Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
by VerityFrancesB
Summary: A series of one shots based on Sarah McLachlan songs.
1. Authors Note

So I am actually really and truly doing another one shot series now.

The title is a Sarah McLachlan albumn and these are all Sarah McLachlan song fics.

I hope you enjoy.

V!

xox


	2. I Will Remember You

_I Will Remember You_

The streetlamp shines through the open window and you drink in his sleeping image, hoping that this vision will remain in your mind always. This is how you want to remember him, peaceful, sated…happy. However, you know that over the years to come, you will protect yourself from the happy memories, desperately grasping at the times you argued, the times when he was so angry with you that you thought he was going to shake the teeth right out of your head, the times when you wanted to kill him whilst he slept. But you also know that however hard you might try to forget, you will always remember.

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories._

You gently stroke his face, running your fingers down his cheek, feeling the slight stubble graze your finger tips and silently pray that he will forgive you for doing this, for leaving in the dead of night, stealing away like a thief, running from everything good. You pray that he won't turn bitter from this, wont shut off from the world, but some dark recess in your mind knows better.

_Remember the good times that we had?  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one._

You cock your head to the side, still drinking in his image, wondering what it is about him that makes you crazy. Your face involuntarily breaks into a smile when you remember the way he held you close last night, like he didn't want to let you go, like some part of him knew it was going to be the last time.

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories._

You sit awake, unable to sleep, wrapped in a sheet that still smells of him, clutching a glass of bourbon to your chest, and you can't seem to shake the feeling that if you took one more step towards the life you want to lead with him you would fall, never able to claw your way back up. You can't keep living life in your head, however much you want to, however much you want to retreat into your memories of him, and wishes of how life could have been.

_I'm so tired but I can't sleep  
Standing on the edge of something much too deep  
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard._

You will never tell him, never admit how much he means to you. Never tell how much you need him in your life, or at least the memories of him, even though you know memories aren't quite enough and that it will drive you mad until you see him again…if you ever see him again.

_But I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories._

He stirs slightly in his sleep, his arms seeking you out and you lie down next to him, feeling his arms snake around your waist and pulling you firmly against him. You don't know what you are more afraid of, loosing him or loosing yourself in him, although it doesn't matter now, your mind is made up and you are leaving.

_I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose  
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light._

You sleep for an hour, lightly, not wanting to have to leave when he is awake, not wanting to see the accusations in his blue eyes, and you wake up with his heartbeat pounding in your head. You want to bottle that noise and play it when you are alone, in the dark, behind closed doors, but you gently disentangle yourself from his arms and place a kiss to his temple, savoring the taste of his skin, knowing that it might be the last time you taste it.

_And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories._

Down on the street you allow yourself one last glance up at the window, willing yourself not to let the tears fall, willing your legs to move, move you away from him. You finger the picture in your pocket, of him asleep, taken last night, knowing that the photo will keep you company long after the pain of leaving has dulled. You furiously brush a tear from your cheek and move, turning away from the window, from him. You allow yourself a brief smile at the memories that flit across your mind. Maybe you will see him again, maybe, but you will remember him as long as you need to.

_Weep not for the memories._

_

* * *

_

V!

xox


	3. Ice Cream

_I do apologize for the depression I caused yesterday with I Will Remember You, but hopefully this will make up for it! _

* * *

Ice Cream

_Your love is better than ice cream  
__Better than anything else that I've tried  
__And your love is better than ice cream.  
__Everyone here knows how to fight._

"It's not funny anymore." She said, arms crossed in front of her, a forced frown on her face, her wicked mouth pouting, trying her hardest to look angry.

"It's a little funny." He replied, licking the remnants of the sticky melted ice cream from his fingers. She just glared at him.

"I'm covered in it." She complained, holding her arms out from her body so she didn't get it anywhere else. He laughed as she studied the ice cream in her arm, and pursed her lips, wondering how to get rid of it. He stopped laughing when a wicked grin crossed her face and his breath hitched as she slowly ran her tongue up her arm, pulling each finger into her mouth one by one. By the time she reached her little finger, he felt the familiar stirrings low in his stomach and he launched, pushing her back against the pillows and covering her body with his.

"Now you're covered in it." She said as she wiggled underneath him. He let out a growl from the back of his throat and lowered his mouth to hers.

_And it's a long way down  
__It's a long way down  
__It's a long way down to the place  
__Where we started from._

It's difficult to know where and how this started, where it will lead. But as he moves deep within her, she doesn't care. All she knows is that they are a long way from where they started and given the choice, she wouldn't go back there, not for all the ice cream in the world, but when he shudders above her and lowers his head to her neck, it's better than anything.

* * *

_Your love is better than chocolate  
__Better than anything else that I've tried  
__Oh love is better than chocolate.  
__Everyone here knows how to cry._

She pulls the chocolate into her mouth, her tongue curling around it and looks at him. She smiles as she pulls it back out and licks her lips. He grins suggestively at her and she rolls her eyes.

"You make everything sexual." She says, licking her lips again. He nods once.

"When it comes to you, yes." He replies, wanting to kiss her, invade her mouth with his tongue because he knows she will taste of chocolate and the taste that is uniquely hers. As if reading her thoughts she presses herself to him, pushing him against the store front, ignoring the stares and disapproving looks from the passersby. She stands on tiptoe and leans in, her mouth millimeters from his, her breath hot and sweet again his skin.

"Go on then…" She says, daring him to close the gap. He does need to be told twice. He covers her mouth with a quiet moan, his hands pulling her hips towards him; she tastes of chocolate and honey. She pulls away and laughs at his frustrated sigh. She practically skips off, throwing him an enticing smile over her shoulder, and he starts plotting ways to get her to eat chocolate more often.

_It's a long way down  
__It's a long way down  
__It's a long way down to the place  
__Where we started from..._

They've come a long way, a long way from the head slaps and irritation at lack of experience, a long way from the obvious sexual frustration surrounding them. But the way she licks the chocolate of her fingers has him wondering why it took them quite so long and has him knowing that he won't be able to look at chocolate in the same way for quite some time.

* * *

_V!_

_xox_


	4. Ice

Ice

* * *

_The ice is thin come on dive in  
__Underneath my lucid skin  
__The cold is lost, forgotten._

The cold seeps in through my jacket, causing me to shiver, although I don't really know if it's the cold or something else that is making me shiver. It must be something else because the cold isn't bothering my anymore, I am not hugging myself, not blowing on my hands, desperately trying to get heat onto them.

_Hours pass days pass time stands still  
__Light gets dark and darkness fills  
__My secret heart forbidden...  
__I think you worried for me then._

How long I have been here, I have no idea, time was forgotten after the first hour. The sun has gone down, the cold getting harsher, creeping along the ground, like tendrils of mist, its like I can almost see it, even though it doesn't bother me. You placed your jacket over my shoulders. I hadn't even heard you arrive, and you sit down next to me, taking one of my hands in yours, rubbing the feeling back into it. I shake my head and tell you there isn't any point, I can't feel them anymore anyway. I didn't tell you that I wished I couldn't feel my heart. You looked at me with worry, wondering what I was doing out here, alone, in the dark, you wondering who I am seeing. I gesture towards the looming granite slab in front of us, the one with my fathers name etched into it and you nod, your hands get tighter around mine.

_The subtle ways that I'd give in but I know  
__You liked the show  
__Tied down to this bed of shame  
__You tried to move around the pain but oh  
__Your soul is anchored._

I pull my hand away, and I see the glimmer of glee in your eyes, you've always liked it this way, always liked the fact that I pretend not to care about what you do, pretend not to love you, just like you pretend not to love me, but we both know it is just for show, but neither of us knows for whose benefit. You are who you pretend to be, so be careful who you pretend to be.

_The only comfort is the moving of the river  
__You enter into me, a lie upon your lips  
__Offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get  
__Only a fool's here..._

You drive behind me home, and walk me to my door. You know very well I need you to come in; I always do when I feel numb, not just from the cold. You come inside and shut the door, and I wonder what you are shutting out; the cold, or the world. Then you move, towards me, and I give you everything, and you give me everything you can. Even as you whisper that you don't love me, as you move within me, I know you are lying. We both lying to each other everyday, but at least we are honest about the fact we are lying. _I don't love you. _I say it back, and our eyes meet, the understanding in them clear like water.

_I don't like your tragic sighs  
__As if your god has passed you by,  
__Well hey fool that's your deception  
__Your angels speak with jilted tongues,  
__The serpent's tale has come undone,  
__You have no strength to squander._

Maybe one day we will stop pretending, maybe one day we can actually be happy that we have each other instead of living with guilt, and a hint of shame. But until then I will play the fool, pretend that I believe you when you say you don't love me, and you will pretend the same. It may not be much but it is all we can give each other.

_The only comfort is the moving of the river  
__You enter into me, a lie upon your lips  
__Offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get  
__Only a fool's here to stay  
__Only a fool's here to stay  
__Only a fool's here..._

_

* * *

___

_Ok, I don't know where this came from, blame it on my Gin pickled brain, had far too much to drink last night and am not in the mood for a funny hungover story! _

_V!_

_xox_


	5. Dirty Little Secret

Dirty Little Secret

The bourbon burns his throat but not quite enough to dull the burn of Her leaving, nothing had so far, not throwing himself into work, drinking himself into a stupor or loosing himself in the closest girl to him in the bar two night previous. Not even her hair, which reminded him of Hers, was enough to dull it. It hadn't helped, and it made him feel dirty afterwards. Swearing off women for the moment he decided to buy a bottle of the one drink that reminded him of Her.

_I've been up all night drinking  
To drown my sorrow down  
Nothing seems to help me since you went away._

The rest of the team knows, they look at him accusingly, like it's his fault she left, maybe it is. He's know they talk, he hears them, wondering what happened, why she left so suddenly, why he can't seem to make eye contact with anyone anymore, less they see the anger and betrayal in them.

_I'm so tired of this town  
Where every tongue is wagging  
When every back is turned._

Ducky knows. He is angry, angry at him for not making her stay, as if he had the choice. Ducky doesn't gossip, he stares, with expressive eyes that fire questions that Gibbs is unable and unwilling to answer, wanting to keep everything to do with her locked away from prying eyes, his little secret. But Ducky also stares with sympathy, knowing him better than he wants, knowing that he misses her and wants her back and accusations are no good for anybody.

_Their telling secrets that should never be revealed  
There's nothing to be gained from this  
But disaster…_

The scuttlebutt starts. Twisting and distorting with every version. Hanging thickly in the air, choking him. He tries to hide, tries to hide from the blatant stares, maybe from only a few people know, or think that they know but its more than enough to remind him everyday of what's missing.

_Here's a good one...  
Did you hear about my friend  
He's embarrassed to be seen now  
because we all know his sins._

He thinks he sees her, outside his house. He thinks he sees the silhouette of her long legs against the streetlamp. His hands clench by his sides when he realizes that it isn't her. He wished she was there, so he could say the things he never got to say, but he knows that in reality he wouldn't say anything, because he isn't that kind of man. He also knows that it might be too late.

_If I had the chance love  
You know, I would not hesitate  
To tell you all the things I never said before  
Don't tell me it's too late._

6 years later she stands in front of him, and all he can say, _I missed you Jen, _is almost meaningless…almost, but the indecision in her eyes is enough to make him smile, and maybe this time it will remain a secret, their dirty little secret.

_Cause I've relied on my illusions  
To keep me warm at night  
But I denied in my capacity to love  
I am willing, to give up this fight  
Oh, I am willing to give up this fight…_

_

* * *

_

Sorry Aly...next one will be happier, I promise!

V!

xox


	6. I Love You

I Love You

* * *

I can tell its you from a mile away, and I can tell you are tired and hurting. Your shoulders are hunched just a little bit more than usual, the tension is obvious, even from this distance, and I want to reach out to you and make the tension run away. My mouth automatically breaks into a smile as you get closer, a smile which is mirrored on your face, although yours is a tired smile.

_I have a smile_

_Stretched from ear to ear_

_To see you walking down the road._

I don't know what made me leave the house and come and meet you. But I don't know a lot at the moment, like I don't know how this happened again, how the world shifted under my feet and you have worked your way back into my life and back under my skin. Your hand gently brushes my cheek and your eyes meet mine. I take your hand and guide you to into the house, wanting to get you to forget everything about the day.

_We meet at the lights_

_I stare for a while_

_The world around disappears._

It's always this way, we come together after long days, hoping that the other will wash away the pain. We always do, if only for a while. But every time you come it me it gets harder to let you go, harder to let you walk out of the door, but my mind goes blank and I forget that I want to tell you I love you.

_Just you and me_

_On this island of hope_

_A breath between us could be miles._

"Come here." I pull you to me, place my hands on your face and kiss you, trying desperately to erase years of pretending that have hurt you, trying to erase the long day, week, month, that have made us both tense and strung out. You respond like you always do, with a quiet moan and I know that if only for tonight I will be your safe harbour.

_Let me surround you_

_My sea to your shore_

_Let me be the calm you seek._

I touch my lips to your neck, loving the feel of you alive underneath me. You whisper my name and clutch at my shoulders and we both shudder in release, and I hope that maybe this time you will stay. You fall asleep in my arms, your hand splayed over my heart, legs entangled with mine. I run my hand up your arm, feeling your skin beneath my fingertips and I resist the urge to wake you to tell you all the things I want to say, but I know that I won't be able to say them to your face.

_Oh and every time I'm close to you_

_There's too much I can't say_

_And you just walk away._

"Thank you." You say, your hand on my face, one last lingering smile before you walk out of the door. Even though I know you will be back, or I will go to you soon, I can't help hating the sight of you walking away.

_And I forgot_

_To tell you_

_I love you_

_And the night's_

_Too long_

_And cold here_

_Without you _

_I grieve in my condition_

_For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so._

It is a full month before either of us needs again, and you once again are at mine, turning up with tired eyes and bourbon. The month has been full of glances that linger too long, standing just that little bit too close, cases that affect both of us, raised voices and vibrating need that wont go away. You lift your tired eyes to mine and I not only see tiredness but more pain and guilt than usual. I take you, where you stand, passion and hunger, scratching away at the shells that we both have grown and as we fall over the edge I whisper what I have wanted to for so many years.

"I love you." Your eyes tell me you have heard but you file it away as a moment in time, words spoken in release cannot be held as truth.

_Oh and every time I'm close to you_

_There's too much I can't say_

_And you just walk away._

This time, this time it won't happen, I wont let you walk out that door without saying what I need to.

"I never want you to leave again." I say as my hand encircles your wrist and pulls you back through the door, back to me.

"Ok." You say, your green eyes shining and your hair curls over your shoulder, I brush it behind your ear. I love the fact that you didn't even hesitate.

_And I forgot_

_To tell you_

_I love you_

_And the night's_

_Too long_

_And cold here_

_Without you_

* * *

_Hope this is a little bit happier for you Aly! _

_V!_

xox


	7. Stupid

Stupid

* * *

A moment of weakness, that is all it took. A moment when we gave into the tension that surrounds us all the time, the usually we can push aside. But we were both too tired to fight, and strung out for too many hours at work, too many hours with each other and when his hands gripped my arms and pushed me against the wall, the moment began, I don't know when it ended, maybe it still hasn't. His lip devoured and his hands roamed, and I gave up fighting the desire that rages around my body.

_Night lift up the shades  
Let in the brilliant light of morning  
But steady there now  
For I am weak and starving for mercy._

I slip from bed, silently, trying not to wake him, but knowing that I will. The muscles in my legs protest as I walk towards the window. I open the curtains and let the ridiculously early morning sunlight in. He stirs, moving unconsciously away from the light, both of us preferring the cover of darkness to hide what we just did. Somewhere in the back of his sleeping mind he must know that he is safe because he doesn't wake, his agent skills not kicking in and I indulge myself in a smile and study him.

_Sleep has left me alone  
To carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong  
It's all I can do to hang on  
To keep me from falling  
Into old familiar shoes._

There is no way I can sleep. Not when every single one of my nerve endings is alive, sending tiny bolts of electricity around my body. So I look. I look at him, at his broad, hard chest which I fit so neatly against, at his hard, masculine features. It would be so easy to fall back in love with him, maybe I never fell out, but I steady myself at the edge, knowing what is over it, knowing that I wouldn't be able to crawl back out again if I let myself go. He stirs again, a tiny smile gracing his features and my fingers itch to trace his jaw line.

_How stupid could I be?  
A simpleton could see  
That you're no good for me  
But you're the only one I see._

His arms seek me out in sleep. I let him wake, the confusion in his eyes at not finding me next to him is almost laughable. He looks around and his eyes find mine and they soften slightly and I almost give in and go to him. He looks questioningly at me and I turn away from him, back to the window, watching the sun rise over a new day, which I have no idea what it holds…for us. Behind me, I hear him move and I imagine him dressing and slipping out of the door, not wanting to discuss anything, or wanting to confront our weakness.

_Love has made me a fool  
It set me on fire and watched as I floundered  
Unable to speak  
Except to cry out and wait for your answer._

His arms around my waist and his face in the crook of my neck feels so natural, but yet surprising that its hard for me to pull away. I entwine my fingers with his and close my eyes, knowing that he can't see my face. I don't know why I feel so stupid, why I feel this is all wrong, but I pray that he will swallow his pride and show me how wrong I am. He murmurs in my ears, _come back to bed Jenny, _his breath tickling my neck. I bite my bottom lip.

_But you come around in your time  
Speaking of fabulous places  
Create an oasis  
Dries up as soon as you're gone  
You leave me here burning  
In this desert without you._

His arms drop and his tugs gently on my wrist. I try my hardest to resist but go with him. Maybe I'm not so stupid, maybe this isn't so wrong. He fills every one of my sense, covering me with his comforting weight, making me feel him, taste him, see him. He is all I see; my eyes always seek him out. I desperately try to cling to sanity, but as he slips into me and whispers in my ear again, _this changes everything, _his eyes tell me that the changes are for the better.

_How stupid could I be  
A simpleton could see  
That you're no good for me  
But you're the only one I see._

_Everything changes  
Everything falls apart  
Can't stop to feel myself losing control  
But deep in my senses I know…_

_

* * *

_

Enjoy poppets!

V!

xox


	8. Answer

_Thank you for Aly for giving my permission to carry on with this. So if you like the beginning, thank Aly, if you hate the end, blame me!_

* * *

Answer

* * *

She watched him from her spot on the catwalk. It wasn't anything new, her position, her quiet observation, she'd been doing it since she became Director, but this time she could sense something different in his posture. The case was getting to him, that much was obvious. He was snapping more at his team; there had been no Caff-Pow for Abby, not even the usual barging through her office door. She watched as he sent his team home, it now being well past quitting time and as she watched the team leave quickly she knew it was her time to act. She watched him get up and head for the elevator knowing she would follow.

She trailed slowly after him, staying just a turn in the corridor behind him, hoping he hadn't noticed her presence. She watched from the doorway as he opened the freezer in autopsy, pulling out the tray. A young sailor had committed suicide when he'd found out his pregnant wife had been killed in a fire. The young woman had died of smoke inhalation, but that had not eased the sailor's pain and guilt. Since she had learned the details of the case she had been waiting for this, his one moment where he would let his own pain engulf him before he shoved it to the recesses of his mind. She had been determined to be there when it happened, to be there for him.

_**I will be the answer  
At the end of the line  
I will be there for you  
While you take the time  
In the burning of uncertainty  
I will be your solid ground  
I will hold the balance  
If you can't look down**_

He looked down at the body in front of him, the one hole in the head. He knew he would go easy on his team after this case was over, bring Abby extra caff-pows, because apologies were out of the question. He had not been prepared for the amount of pain this case would dredge up in him and he'd been fighting the memories the whole day. Coming home from a war zone to find your family had been killed at home, where they were supposed to be safe. The fire had been determined as Arson and Gibbs swore he would find out who had started it, if anything to give the man on the table the chance to rest in peace. _This could have been me,_ he thought briefly. He had almost gone through with it on numerous occasions and he wasn't quite sure what had stopped him the first couple of times, but this time he knew what had, and if his hearing was any indication his reason was standing near the door, ready to rescue him once again.

"Jen."

"Jethro, I thought you might still be here," She responded choosing to pretend that she hadn't been keeping tabs on him, even though she knew he would know otherwise. "Have you had dinner?"

"Coffee."

"C'mon, my treat," she tried. He shook his head slightly. "It wasn't a request Jethro."

"Jen…"

"Let's go, this will be here tomorrow." She came over to him placing the cover back over the young sailor. He closed the door on the freezer, placed his hand on the small of her back and led her out of the room. "Where do you want to go?"

"Not really…"

"Okay take out it is," She answered for him. They went back to the squad room where he found her stuff sitting at his desk and watched her grab his keys. He said nothing as they made their way to the garage and she walked around to the driver's side. He heaved a sigh and slid into the passenger's seat. She wisely drove back to her house, knowing that he wouldn't leave his basement and she had no intention of eating with the sawdust that always hung in the air.

_**  
If it takes my whole life  
I won't break, I won't bend  
It will all be worth it  
Worth it in the end  
Cause I can only tell you what I know  
That I need you in my life  
When the stars have all gone out  
You'll still be burning so bright**_

She glanced sideways at him, knowing that he would know she was keeping tabs on him, but not yet ready to let him off the hook.

"I'm fine Jen." He said without turning towards her and she let out a brief chuckle at his need to keep lying.

"No, you're not." She replied as she pulled into her drive way. He was quicker then her and opened her door as she pulled her bag from the back seat. She took his proffered hand, and he held on a moment too long, loving the feeling of her fingers in his. He let go as she unlocked the door and pushed it open for him. He held back until she rolled her eyes slightly and walked in. He shut the door behind him as she pulled out her cell phone.

"Chinese?" She asked. He nodded once as she dialed, placing the order without hesitation, knowing him well enough to know what he wanted. He silently thanked her, not wanting to deal with questions.

**_Cast me gently  
Into morning  
For the night has been unkind_**

They ate in companionable silence, drawing strength from each other as they always did, even though Jen was lending more to Gibbs. She cleared the leftovers away, and handed him a fresh glass. His fingers grazed hers as he reached for it and he didn't immediately pull back. She smiled down at him.

"Thank you Jen." He said quietly, and she sat down next to him. She took off her shoes and stretched her legs out.

"Anytime." She replied, holding her glass up to her chest, staring into the distance. He leaned forward and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She locked eyes with him.

"I uh…think I need you tonight." He said, his hand snaking around to the back of her neck and pulling her closer. She nodded once.

"I know." Was all she managed to say before his lips were on hers. He pulled her up, so they were both kneeling in front of each other and he wound his arms round her, pulling her closer. His desperation showed through his kisses, his tongue seeking the deep recesses of her mouth, as if he wanted to crawl inside her and disappear. She ran her fingers through his hair and angled his head, her mouth leaving his; she pulled his ear lobe into her mouth. He moaned, the vibrations against her shoulder made her arch slightly into him. He loved the way she was so responsive to his touch, almost as responsive as he was to hers. Her fingers trailed down his stomach between them and he stood, pulling her with him.

_**  
Take me to a  
Place so holy  
That I can wash this from my mind  
The memory of choosing not to fight**_

"Make it go away Jen." He whispered, so quiet that she thought that she misheard. But she knew better, knew that he was shaken even more than usual by this case, knew that one of the few times he could forget was when he lost himself in her. She nodded and pulled him towards the stairs, her heart breaking at the way he followed dumbly, without argument.

Her hands reached for his shirt and frantically undid the buttons, loving the way his skin felt under her fingers and they was he reached for her, pulling her roughly to her and covering her mouth with his, pulling at her blouse. He forgoes the buttons and tugs it over her head in one fluid movement. Jen briefly wonders how she ever left him, but his hands fumbling with the button of her pants pushes all coherent thoughts out of her mind. He pushes her pants down her thighs and she steps out of them and into his arms once again. He is over come with need, not just need for her, but need to erase the day from his mind, to exhaust himself, lose himself in her so he can sleep. She tugs him towards the bed and pulls him down with her, her breath escaping as he lands on top of her.

She scraped her nails down his back, her hands smoothing over muscles and contours. She can't get enough of the feel of his skin and maybe one day they will do this when they want to, not just when they need to. He kissed down her throat, loving the feel of her pulse beneath his lips. His tongue darted out to taste her skin and she dug her nails deeper into his shoulders, wanting to take his mind off the pain inside. He expertly rolled them over, hardly breaking skin contact and she settled onto him, breathing out as they both paused. Then she began to move, slowly at first, building up rhythm. His hands settled onto her hips and stroked her skin, moving down between her legs, stroking her there. She arched her neck and he longed to kiss it. Her hands found his shoulders and tugged, he held onto her and sat, settling her on his lap and pulling her body closer, chest to chest. She wrapped her legs around his waist, desperately trying to get them closer. Their movements became frantic as they came closer to the edge, but he held back, knowing that she was behind him. She pulled slightly away and the look in her eyes told him that she was right with him. He moaned into her mouth and her muscles clenched around him and she collapsed against his shoulder, pressing a kiss onto it as he came after her.

After the blood stopped pounding in his ears and he could think again, he looked at her, drinking in the sight of her post coitus. Her lips were swollen slightly from his harsh kissing, her face was flushed, she never looked more appealing than right after they lost themselves in each other.

"Feel better?" She asked, her whole body vibrating. He grinned at her and rolled her onto her back, not wanting to leave the warmth of her body, still too turned on and hard to sleep.

"Not quite yet."

_**If it takes my whole life  
I won't break, I won't bend  
It will all be worth it  
Worth it in the end  
'Cause I can only tell you what I know  
That I need you in my life  
When the stars have all burned out  
You'll still be burning so bright**_

Morning broke over the bedroom. His arms were still wrapped tightly around her as if he was afraid if he let go of her, he would fall, back down into despair. She let him, because she knew that as soon as she moved, he would be back to normal, he would push the emotion from last night down until another case got too much to bear, they would gently bicker with each other, exchange long looks and fleeting touches at work, and come together in the evening to wash away cruel memories, keep the ghosts at bay and to answer the questions that they were both too afraid to ask.

"Morning." He murmured in her ear; he instinctively knew when she was pretending to be asleep. She twisted in his arms and kissed the end of his nose.

"Morning." She replied softly, his eyes were still closed but he smiled.

"Coffee?" He asked; cracking his eyes open and she smirked.

"Later." She said, shifting slightly against him. He grinned at her and turned her on her back.

"Good answer."

_**Cast me gently  
Into morning  
For the night has been unkind**_

* * *

_Thank you Ellie for your help poppet! _

_V!_

_xox_


	9. Possession

_I have missed some words of the song out to make the story flow better, feel free to chastise me about it! _

_Sometime when Jen and Gibbs were in Serbia. _

_For Aly, originally meant to be a Birthday Present but she whined and got it early! _

* * *

Possession

The wind howled around the cabin, creeping in through the many small cracks in the walls. It lifted the red hair from the neck of the sleeping woman. Her legs were tangled in a sheet and a naked expanse of back greeted the vivid blue eyed man as he padded into the bedroom. The wind seemed to whisper his name and is screamed around the cabin, _Jethro, _and he was reminded of her face last night as he drove her to the edge of madness and beyond. He felt the familiar stirrings of desire low in his stomach at the thought of her long neck exposed as she threw her head back. She stirred, as though she sensed she was being thought of and the sheet exposed more of her lower back.

_Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide_

_Voices trapped in yearning,_

_Memories trapped in time._

He smiled fondly but sadly at her sleeping form and turned to the window. The night was still heavy in the distance, but he knew that morning would be breaking soon and the first tendrils of sunlight would reach in through the window and shed light on this den of inequity. But right now he was happy, sitting in the dark, with her light breathing behind him. He wondered briefly if they should stay here, stay wrapped up in their own little world that they had created, but they had jobs to do, people to get back for, reality to confront.

_The night is my companion, _

_And solitude my guide._

_Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?_

He turned to look at her again, drinking in her image. Her hair was splayed across the one pillow they had, her arms lay wide across the bed. Her face was the picture of contentment, and satisfaction, and he resisted the urge to wake her and satisfy her once again, make her realized just who she belonged to. His eyes rested on the enticing little scar on the back of her knee, the scar that was annoyingly in the shape of a 'j'. It was his place though, the hollow behind her knee, he had lost count of how many times he had murmured "_mine_" against her skin. The urge to touch her won out and he ran his fingers up her spin, enticing a shiver from her as she struggled awake.

_Through this world I've stumbled so many times betrayed, _

_My body aches to breathe your breath_

_Your words keep me alive._

In one fluid movement she turned and pulled him down on her. Her lips covering his pulse point on his neck. He smiled down at her as he pulled away and pinned her wrists above her head, his fingers digging in, and she shifted underneath him. He lowered his head to hers and kissed her soundly, his tongue invading her mouth, making her moan and shift even more. His teeth grazed her lower lip as he pulled away and marveled at the sight of her, bruised lips parted, breathing slightly elevated.

_And I would be the one_

_To hold you down_

_Kiss you so hard._

_I'll take your breath away,_

_And after, I'd wipe away the tears, _

_Just close your eyes dear._

As he slipped into her, loosing himself once again in the warmth of her body and her gently caresses, he spared a brief thought for tomorrow. Tomorrow they were going home and they both knew it, neither of them knew what was going to happen, but he was dreading it, the cold hand of fear had him round the throat and he couldn't move, but when she shuddered under him and he joined her over the edge, she placed a hand on his face and pulled him to her. She cradled his head in her shoulder and wound her fingers into her hair.

_Into this night I wander_

_It's morning that I dread_

_Another day of knowing the path I fear to tread_

_Nothing stands between us here_

_And I won't be denied._

He saw her hand move to her face and looked up as she was swiping at a tear. He brushed it away with his thumb and covered her lips with his, begging her to feel everything he felt. He poured as much of his heart as he could into that kiss, and she received it, smiling at him when he pulled away. He wanted to stay here, with the wind whispering her name, for it was her name it whispered now, now that the sunlight had reached the windows, she was his sunlight. She closed her eyes as his hands ran over her face, his fingertips memorizing the contours of her face. He knew that every face he touched from that moment would feel like hers, every tear he wiped from someone's cheek would feel like hers, she belonged to him, even if it was just for a while, she had belonged to him.

_And I would be the one_

_To hold you down_

_Kiss you so hard._

_I'll take your breath away,_

_And after, I'd wipe away the tears, _

_Just close your eyes..._

_

* * *

_

Sorry about the lack of updates, it kinda took a nose dive after Judgement Day.

V!

xox


	10. Angel

_Final chapter, not really angst, not really fluff, not really sure what it is! _

* * *

Angel

His hand clamped over her mouth to suppress the cry that nearly escaped her lips. His body threw her to the ground and covered hers, protecting her from the debris from the blast. She shivered under him, and lord help him, if it didn't half turn him on. He tentatively lifted his hand from her mouth and she bit her lip.

"You ok?" He asked. She nodded once, her eyes wide with worry.

"You?" He nodded in reply and lowered his head to look over under the car they were using as cover. There was no way Lloyd had got out of that explosion alive. Lloyd had joined their team only a few weeks ago, he was the Probie. The suspicious behavior they had been sent to investigate on the navy base had turned out to be a bomb, Jen had tried to disarm it but they had ended up running, literally, for their lives. Jen had been about to go back for Lloyd when he had grabbed her and pulled her to the ground.

_Spend all your time waiting_

_For that second chance_

_For a break that would make it okay_

_There's always one reason_

_To feel not good enough_

_And it's hard at the end of the day_

_I need some distraction_

_Oh beautiful release_

_Memory seeps from my veins_

_Let me be empty_

_And weightless and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonight_

They had no time to mourn before the bomb was traced to a home grown terrorist group and they were sent, undercover again, to try to infiltrate it.

The hotel room was dark and his hand one again covered her mouth to cover the cry that threatened to escape her lips. Seeking comfort, she had urged him to her, taking him into her arms and giving herself to him. Up against the wall of a dirty hotel was not the best form of comfort, but she needed to feel alive. He moved deep within her, needing comfort as much as she did. Caught up in the feeling of his skin beneath her hands, she was surprised when he spoke, his voice rasping in her ear.

"Let go Jen." She obeyed, falling over the edge and into his arms, shuddering against him and he held her close.

_In the arms of an angel_

_Fly away from here_

_From this dark cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you fear_

_You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort there?_

They hadn't infiltrated, but had managed to survey, watching the cell from a distance. Jen's jaw was clenched, as it had been for the past week, and her fists balled in her lap. He took a hand and pried open her fingers.

"Let it go Jen." He said gently, looking out of the car window. He wound his fingers into hers.

"How can I?" She sighed. He spared her a look, her bottom lip was caught in between her teeth.

"We'll get them Jen, then you can mourn." She nodded and gave his hand a quick squeeze before letting go. "Jen…I need you with me on this one."

"I'm always with you."

_So tired of the straight line_

_And everywhere you turn_

_There are vultures and thieves at your back_

_And the storm keeps on twisting_

_You keep on building the lie_

_That you make up for all that you lack_

_It don't make no difference_

_Escaping one last time_

_It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh_

_This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees_

The cell had been shut down, the case closed. Jen sat at Lloyds funeral, next to Gibbs, his thigh brushing against hers. It was the most amount of contact they could afford to show in public but it wasn't enough. She once again needed to feel alive. His landed on her lower back, guiding her through the crowd and again it wasn't enough.

She clutched at him and pulled him through her front door, using their combined weight to shut it. His arms came round her waist and pulled her roughly against him. There was a blur of hands as need consumed them. This time it was his mouth that stifled her cry as she fell over the edge, this time they could revel in the closeness of their bodies, this time…

_In the arms of an angel_

_Fly away from here_

_From this dark cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you fear_

_You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort there?_

_

* * *

_

Hope you have enjoyed it

V!

xox


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